On November 4th our family will be celebrating a life that very few of you know about.
We will eat ice cream because that is what we first did to numb the pain a little when we lost our first child to a miscarriage at 9 weeks in Chicago.
We named this little one Sam after Samuel in the Bible because just like him, our little one was prayed for too. And also named after my mom who was called Sam as a child by her friends because those were her initials. On November 4th, 2014, this Tuesday, Sam would have been 1 year old. We don’t know if our little one is a boy or a girl although often in my mind’s eye I see a little boy who looks much like some of Steve’s childhood pictures. We actually don’t know much about this little life…we don’t even have an ultrasound picture. Just a photo of a positive pregnancy test, a few very early pregnancy photos and a little black bear that we bought when we found out we were expecting.
But there is Someone who knows all about our little Sam. Someone who walks and talks with him everyday. Someone who is better at loving him than we are. And I am so thankful for that. Sam is in the Lord’s hands.
I am very thankful for Claire and delighted that we are enjoying life with her. But believe it or not, she is in God’s hands too. Even in Claire’s short life I have felt compelled many times to give her to God. Corrie ten Boon said, “hold everything in your hands lightly, otherwise it hurts when God pries your fingers open.” I pray that I will be able to show Claire a good God who is always there for her in ways that I could never be. It is a privilege to be entrusted with these little lives for the time God sees fit.
I look forward to the day when I will hear the sweet words from Sam’s lips “Mama!” What a glorious day that will be! I cannot wait! And how much more dear heaven has become since that day in April when our little Sam entered glory.
In some ways my heart is very sad but in other ways it is at such peace and so delighted at the thought of our little Sam perhaps sitting down with the Lord to a giant bowl of ice cream! If in fact, heaven has ice cream, and if not, undoubtedly there is something far better!
So on Tuesday, in honour of our little Sam, have some ice cream…hug your kids a little tighter, hold onto them a little lighter and pray that you will show them a good good God.